lifebeyond4limbs.com

I recently read a blog post by Paula Reed Nancarrow, titled 2014: The Year Blogging Refused to Die. In the post she discusses the history of blogs, why people blog and why many blogs have died out. At the end she asks the question “What’s keeping your blog alive?”

When I decided to start my blog I took advantage of all the blogs on blogs out there, the websites on blogging and the thousands of pieces of social media advice on how to build a successful blog. The one piece of advice that I believe every one of these resources stated is “know your audience”. Paula is the first blogger I have read that has said, “Frankly I had no idea who would want to read what I wrote” in her post “4 Great Reasons Not to Know Your Blog’s Target Audience”.

I began my blog as a way to tell my story and help other people out there who might be struggling with similar circumstances. I needed to target those people my blog would help, but really didn’t know how to, so I targeted disability. I was following the blogging directions so choose an audience. I soon realized from my readers’ feedback that yes, I had accomplished my goal in providing help and support to others in my situation, but I also had people without disabilities reading my blog, simply because they had become fascinated with my story and found my posts inspiring. I am a thinker and a writer, not a talker, so I observe and take notice of things others often miss. So I listened and I began to focus my posts on personal stories that would be motivating to anyone while still helping those in need. Life changes and my blog once again took a different path. The amputation of my leg expanded the audience once more. I listen to the whispered conversations I wasn’t supposed to hear. I listened to the questions being asked, but not directly to me. I listened to the innocent questions small children asked their parents. So I geared my posts to educate and answer all the questions people have about amputation but are afraid to ask. Therefore I don’t necessarily target a particular audience, but instead keep changing my posts to satisfy an ever-changing audience.

At the end of the day I continue to blog for two reasons, with the first being the very reason I began, to help people. Every time I get a message saying “Thank you for telling your story. It has helped me, it has given me hope” I am motivated to continue writing my posts. My blog has helped a wide range of people on everything from someone experiencing life temporarily on a pair of crutches to providing hope to someone battling the decision to amputate a leg. To me that is what blogging is all about – making a positive difference in someone else’s life.

The second reason is the people I have met through blogging that have positively impacted my life. As you can see, Paula has made a significant impression on me through her blog Paula Reed Nancarrow. I love her posts because each one is a unique and different story. Please visit her blog. One of my favorite posts is “The Clean Plate Club” as it takes me back to my childhood dinner table.

The next blogger that keeps me blogging is Melanie Deardorff. Melanie is a social media specialist, health coach and blogger, who herself has improved her health by losing over 90 pounds and is now maintaining her weight after years of being a yo-yo dieter. Melanie’s blog posts provide ideas and information on social media or they might be an interview with a health coach. Either way they are always interesting and very informative. Her posts have given me resources and information that have improved my own blogging. Please check out her blog socialmedia for wellnesspros. One of my favorite posts is “Dale Carnegie’s social media lessons for your health and wellness business” as Dale Carnegie has helped me refocus my life a few times. Of course, also check out her post which features me titled Inspirational Health and Wellness Blogger; Darryl Partridge, Living Life On Crutches.

Some blogs take me back to my teaching days, such as Deb Aubin’s blog, Education is Special. Deb is a special education teacher who blogs to inform people about special education issues. I am drawn to reading her posts because her teaching style and philosophy reminds me of my teaching days in my own classroom. Please visit her blog Education is Special. One of my favorite posts is “The Holiday Reading Jar: A Tradition of Literacy and Love”. Deb is a special teacher and her students are very lucky to have her.

My disability is being a single leg amputee. While I don’t consider myself disabled in any way, my lack of leg creates a challenge in my daily living that the average person doesn’t have, making me fit into the definition of having a disability. While I have been slammed for using the term “inspiration”, the fact is that we all gain inspiration from others. As a teacher I looked to other teachers for inspiration. As a skier I looked to other skiers for inspiration, and as a parent I certainly have gotten inspiration from other parents. So why wouldn’t someone with a disability look to others with disabilities for inspiration? If we write a blog or publish a book based on our own experiences people are going to get inspired by us whether we like that term or not. For me, if I can positively impact someone’s life then let me be an inspiration. That is how I make sense of what happened to me.

The next three blogs inspire me and help keep my spirits up, and I am blessed to have gotten to know these three amazing people through blogging. They are my fellow gimps and none of them share my disability.

The Girl with the Purple Cane, by Liz Jackson. Liz has a complex condition that attacks the myelin sheath of the peripheral nerves and causes weakness and paralysis. There is very little known about her condition and it is currently referred to as CIDP, Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy. Due to her condition she utilizes a purple cane i.e. the girl with the purple cane. Liz writes about the stigma of assistive devices and her blog began as a petition to get her favorite store J. Crew to sell other fashionable devices, besides eyeglass frames, such as canes. Liz is all inclusive in her posts and very creative, tackling a wide variety of disabilities including mine, limb loss. Please visit her blog The Girl with the Purple Cane, while I am of course partial to the one featuring me: Why Are Animals With Prosthetics Upworthy When People Aren’t? My favorite post is Taking J. Crew’s Frank Muytjens on a Wheelchair Ride = it hit home on the stigma my crutches carry.

Need some humor? My Odd Sock by Doug Ankerman. Doug one of 2.3 million people worldwide who are affected by multiple sclerosis. His blog is all about using humor to cope with living with MS. Doug does it really well; his strength and humor are a testament to his courage in his incredible fight with MS. His blog always makes me smile and I am drawn to his stories because I also use humor to cope with adversity. Please visit his blog My Odd Sock. One of my favorite posts is Down On the Farm; not only did this post put a smile on my face, but it took me back to my life growing up on a farm.

Last but certainly not least is From Where I Sit by Ann Elizabeth Latos. Ann has Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis; this disease is a genetic defect that causes sudden onset of muscle paralysis. Ann blogs about her life living with Periodic Paralysis. She has worked very hard to overcome and accept her disability. Despite no longer being able to work as a Health/Fitness Trainer, Ann is, as her tagline reads, “Finishing strong after life throws baskets of lemons at you”! I have been drawn to her story as it reminds me of my own struggle to finish strong. Please visit Ann’s blog From Where I sit. One of my favorite posts is Speaking of Counseling, which is about a conversation Ann had with her doctor who had a sudden interest in how she spent her time now she was living with a disability. Ironically the conversation was spurred by the fact that he was experiencing a small dose of what it’s like to live with a disabling condition. He was currently sitting on a scooter with his leg in a cast. This one certainly hit home for me.

Six strangers I never would have met, yet through blogging each of them has touched my life with their stories. Interestingly their blogging has done for me exactly what my blog has done for others. They have positively impacted my life.

So what keeps my blog alive? The many people who find help, hope, motivation and inspiration to push forward living their lives on crutches, living with a disability or finding comfort and courage in my story to accept living life as an amputee. It is also the incredible people I have met through their blogs. I have only written about six, but there are many more and I hope to continue to meet amazing people and learn about their fascinating niches in life.

It was recently brought to my attention that my blog reached a family that needed some hope and support in getting a loved one through an amputation. Without the blog being shared this family never would have benefited from my experiences. They were very thankful to have had the opportunity to have read it. Please don’t underestimate the power that sharing a blog can have. You never know who it will reach.

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I am not ashamed or embarrassed that my lower left leg is missing, so why would I want to disguise my prosthetic leg with a cover made of Styrofoam and pantyhose?

From the very first time amputating my leg became even a remote possibility, I assumed I would get a prosthetic leg that resembled most I had seen. There would be a top part that was made of some sort of plastic/fiberglass material, attached to a pipe that was then attached to a plastic foot. It would all be exposed, no hiding that I had a prosthetic leg. It never occurred to me that I would have a Styrofoam covering made in the shape of a lower leg with, as my kids say, pantyhose on it concealing the mechanics of the prosthetic. So when my prosthetist said “you will want a cover so it looks real, right,” I wasn’t sure how to respond.

I really didn’t want a cover to make it look real; that is not who I am and it doesn’t represent how I have handled my journey with disability or the amputation. In a sense the prosthetic is my battle scar – it represents my strength and determination to overcome and not let losing a leg destroy me. Therefore if I am going to have a cover, it needs to reflect who I am, a statement of how I handled my adversity, not the form of “pantyhose over a foam leg”.

I guess I, once again, don’t think like most, as my prosthetist was pretty insistent that I have the cover, in fact his reaction to my saying I didn’t want it was one of confusion and disbelief. He was so determined that I should have the cover that he wasn’t going to accept no for an answer. So I said “fine, if the insurance pays for it I will take it, but I am not willing to pay for one myself.” The whole time I was thinking, ‘I am just going to remove it.’ I had no idea how bad it would look or that the only way I could remove it myself was with a knife.

When he entered the room holding the finished leg, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The leg literally looked as if he had gone to a department store display and ripped the lower leg off of a mannequin and then put pantyhose over it. Yes, it really was covered with three layers of knee-high nylons. Honestly, my first thought was that there is no way I can wear that. Upon getting home and showing my kids the leg the first thing they said was “why does it look so fake? Why does it have pantyhose on it? It doesn’t even match your other hairy leg (if he wanted to match my other leg he should have covered it in fur.), we never saw anyone with a prosthetic leg that looks like that.” I had to agree with everything they said and went to work attempting to remove the ridiculous cover. That’s when I realized that I would basically have to take the foot off to remove it.

My prosthetist had followed me out to my car and his parting words on delivery day were “at least now you will look and feel normal.” He works with amputees every day, so this makes me think that he has learned that they are concerned about the leg looking real. I understand that but it is not who I am and is not the statement or lesson I want my circumstance to teach. The following excerpts are from an oral presentation my nineteen-year-old daughter wrote for a college class.

“I saw my father struggle for six years with an ankle that just wouldn’t cooperate.”

“I’ve learned a lot from my father when it comes to his disability. It has taught me that the disabled are just like everyone else.I always thought that, but it really struck home when someone I loved and respected so much became disabled.”

“My father is still the same man he was when he had two legs, so why should he be treated differently? “

“My father taught me that just because you are having a problem it should not make you depressed or take over and ruin your life.”

“He has turned his tragic story into a way to reach out and help others and in return benefit himself. I cannot imagine being in the position my father is in, I feel like it would destroy my happiness. I am amazed by what my father has done.”

This is what it is all about, this is exactly what I wanted my kids to see and learn from me. These are the statements I want to portray when people see and interact with me, so why would I try to conceal the prosthetic leg with a couple layers of pantyhose?

In the end I am the one who has to wear the prosthetic leg and I just could never wear it the way it looked with a pair of shorts. At my two week follow-up appointment I asked my prosthetist to do me a huge favor and remove the cover. In the meantime I had some custom socket/sleeve cover made. I believe this better represents my journey.

                                                                                                             SleeveArt® for Amputees

If you have to use a prosthetic leg you might as well have fun with it!

(Okay, faux wood, but at least it’s fun!)

Anyone who knows me knows that I laugh, joke and am very open to talking about my leg or lack of. They also know I wouldn’t faux paint plywood on the front of my house to look like brick, so why would I wear a prosthetic with faux skin?

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                    “I wasn’t waiting for the prosthetic leg to resume my life,                    I was out living it.”

My view is very different than most. For 6 years my burden was dragging around a painful useless leg, so I amputated it. Now, not having that leg is liberating. I am now a one-legged man, freed of pain and ready to resume an active life, and I wasn’t going to wait for a prosthesis to live again. While most might find losing a leg disabling, for me being freed of the burden of that leg was enabling. I am by no means saying that life with one leg is easy or not challenging, but I am empowered by the loss of pain and ready to live actively again with or without a prosthetic leg.

Two years ago, after 4 years of ankle surgeries and months and months of downtime, I had gained weight and had a scare with some other health problems. I had been so focused on trying to fix the ankle that I had neglected the rest of my body. I decided to give up on the bum leg and get the rest of my body in shape. It was after my sixth ankle surgery and I was using crutches full time to walk at that point. I signed up with a trainer for a few sessions to get myself on the right track. I was very specific in telling the trainer that I was not doing anything that would put pressure on my left leg and cause me more pain. This was not a problem, as I soon realized that the gym was full of exercise equipment that I could use without standing or causing any stress to my leg. I found plenty of ways to push myself and I did, but avoided anything that would inflict any further pain on my left leg. I found that pushing myself physically helped a great deal in helping me come to terms with my disability. I also lost the weight and nipped the other health issues in the bud.

For the next two years, while at the gym I envied people who had two working legs as I watched them moving about the gym so easily, doing things I never thought I could do. One of the workouts that kept peaking my interest was TRX Suspension Training. TRX is a workout system that uses your own body’s weight as opposed to a traditional workout using weights. Instead of using a machine or weights, TRX is strength training using a system of ropes where you work against your own body’s weight. Hundreds of exercises can be done that give a full-body workout. TRX develops strength, balance, flexibility, and joint stability simultaneously. To those doing TRX it was a strenuous workout, however to me it looked like a way to break the monotony of my sit down workouts. Every time I was at the gym I would find my eyes fixated on the classes doing TRX. I would rack my brain trying to figure out how I could manage the TRX workout without increasing the pain I already had. Ultimately I would give up, chalking it up to just one more thing I would never do.

Fast forward to two weeks post-op leg amputation, I take my self off to the gym. Due to my weakened body from the surgery and recovering from pneumonia, I cut my workout routine in half. I found that while working out I had no phantom pain. So, back I go a second time, and then a third. I am embarrassed to say the third was not a charm. The day before the surgery I proudly pushed to do 70 pull-ups. Wanting to still prove my physical abilities I got cocky and awkwardly climbed one legged up to the bar and accomplished 30 pull-ups. That landed me back in the emergency room later that night, with massive back/side pain that turned out to be a pulled lat muscle. Needless to say I stayed away from the gym for a while.

When I returned to the gym several weeks later, I decided to work with a trainer to ease me back in, fearing I would re-injure the lat muscle. Interestingly, now standing in the gym with Holly, my trainer, balancing on my one remaining leg, freed of the painful leg, I found my perception very different. I now was asking my trainer to challenge me and gave no limitations. I no longer had to worry about the leg; it was gone and I felt like I could conquer anything. I found myself wanting to push myself to the next level. So, while chatting with Holly after a workout I say, “Once I get my leg do you think I can do TRX?” Her response was, “You don’t need to wait for your leg, we will do TRX next time.” Music to my ears – finally, someone was telling me I didn’t need a prosthetic leg to be active.

So the next workout I find myself on the floor with my foot suspended from the suspension strap. I find myself balancing on one leg with my hands in the suspension straps, my body contorted in positions I didn’t know were possible, and most of all I find my body working muscles I never knew I had. Most of the exercises are rigorous and very physically challenging. Unlike most workouts using exercise equipment, the TRX adds in instability; you have to stabilize the ropes, so your body becomes the weights and the machine. After a half hour TRX workout my body was exhausted, but I was exhilarated. I had just accomplished something physically that many two-legged people couldn’t accomplish, and something most in my situation wouldn’t even try. Better yet, I accomplished something that most people would have never thought a very recent, 49-year-old leg amputee could possibly do. My TRX high was better than anything a drug could do for me, and from then on I couldn’t wait for my next TRX workout.

The TRX workout is actually an excellent workout for a leg amputee. The element of instability builds the core muscles, which are very important for your body’s stability. The core of our body provides strength and stability to the rest of your body. The core is your abdominal wall, your pelvis, your lower back and your diaphragm. In a nutshell our core strength is essential to our daily living and regular activities. The one thing that I found extremely beneficial as a leg amputee was the balance. For many of the exercises I had to not only focus on the task at hand, but on balance. The second I took my focus off balance I was toppling to the floor. This made every TRX workout an intense whole body workout that would have otherwise been very difficult to get with one leg. Building balance is also an extremely important necessity in dealing with daily life as a single leg amputee. The other thing that I really like about the TRX workout is that I could drop my crutches and still get a workout while remaining vertical, which is something I couldn’t have done independently with free weights. There is no doubt that my TRX workouts put me far ahead of the game in living an active full life as an amputee. Leg exercises such as the Hamstring Curl and Single Leg Squat worked out my leg like no other exercises I had ever done. This made a huge difference in my leg tolerance in returning to skiing now with only one leg.

For me it was more than a workout; it was me proving I still could do anything that I set my mind to. I didn’t need two legs and I didn’t need the prosthetic leg to accomplish physical things and live actively. I was living more actively and doing more than many do with their two legs. For Holly, my trainer, I became inspiration and I hope; while in the gym, I show everyone there that there are “no excuses”. So when Holly asked if I was going to use the prosthetic leg to do TRX once I had it, my answer was instantly no. “Why would I when I can do it with one leg?” She agreed.

My own TRX training system went on my Christmas list and I received it Christmas morning. I soon plan to get certified as a TRX trainer and yes, I plan to do it all without the prosthesis. Imagine the power I will have to help others attain their physical goals when they take a TRX suspension training class led by a one-legged instructor.

Hey, that is just how I now think and live! Make 2015 the year you commit to a healthy lifestyle and remember, “No excuses.”

Happy New Year!

Thank you for reading! Please subscribe to never miss a post or come back in two weeks for my next post, The DIY Faux Leg.

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Resources:

https://www.trxtraining.com/products/trx-home

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Core_stability

http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/abdominalcorestrength1/a/NewCore.htm

Don we now our leg, fa la la la la, la la la la. Today, Santa delivered my temporary leg just in time for Christmas. Well, not really Santa, but my wonderful prosthetist Brain, who measured, fitted and built my first leg.

As with all other aspects of this strange journey, I researched prosthetic legs in depth, however it just didn’t compare to actually experiencing it firsthand. Luckily I was referred to an excellent prosthetist who has held my hand and led me through the journey so far.

A prosthetist is the person who primarily designs, fits, fabricates, adjusts and maintains the prosthetic leg. Trust me, you get to know your prosthetist very well, so you’d better like them.

My relationship with Brian, my prosthetist, began in the hospital three days post-op. During this visit he took a history of what happened to necessitate the amputation and what my lifestyle was before the injury. The goal of the prosthetist is to provide you with a leg that best allows you to return to your pre-amputation lifestyle. Brian also provided a stump shrinker. The stump shrinker is a tubular compression sock that is used to control and reduce swelling, and is the first step in preparing the stump for the prosthetic. A few weeks after the surgery I met with Brian at his office. On this visit he walked me through the process and took some preliminary measurements. His office staff then set up a series of evaluations that would be necessary before fitting the leg.

Physical Therapy Evaluation – This evaluated my level of functioning. I was asked to perform a series of activities such as, standing on my remaining leg for 30 seconds without any other support, transferring from one chair to another without using my arms or any support, bending to pick an object off the floor without any support, walking with crutches and climbing stairs using crutches. This evaluation was used to assess my physical condition and functioning level. The information was then used to determine the amount of physical therapy I would require and to justify the level of leg I would need to the insurance company. I scored very high which got me recommended for a high-functioning leg and only the need for gait training.

Evaluation with Physical Rehabilitation Doctor – This was also to evaluate what level of leg I would require. This was an interview-based visit and assessed my current physical condition, what my lifestyle was like before the injury and what I hoped to accomplish with the prosthesis. This report was also given to my insurance company to justify the level of leg being recommended.

Surgeons Clearance – At 8 weeks post-op I received clearance from my surgeon for the leg fitting.

Now the fun part began: building the leg. The following are the steps involved in building the prosthesis.

Casting of stump – A cast was made of my stump. The cast is used to get an accurate model of the stump for the fabricating of the socket.

First fitting – In this fitting I got to try on the leg for the first time and take some steps with it. The leg I used was a test leg and looked like something a high school science student put together for the science fair, however it did the job well. In this fitting the socket fit was checked and the pylon height and foot alignment was adjusted. With the use of a propane torch and an Allen key, Brian was able to make many necessary tweaks. By the end of the fitting the test leg was a close replica of what my temporary leg would be like.

Second fitting – In this fitting all the actual parts of my leg were used. Once again I tried on the leg and did some walking. Brian did some fine-tuning and then he was ready to put all the final touches to the temporary leg for the delivery.

Delivery – Today was the day I took my leg home. Brian had me put the leg on carefully, taking me through all the important steps. I then had some initial instructions on walking before leaving on my new leg. At this point I walk on the leg with the aid of my crutches. In the next four weeks I will work with a physical therapist and work on gait training. There will be a lot of taking the leg on and off in the beginning. The goal will be to walk using the leg without any other assistive devices. A one-legged man, however, will still have plenty of need for crutches. They will be used when the stump needs a rest, around the house in the evenings and for overnight trips to the bathroom.

The first leg is temporary and called a preparatory prosthetic. The preparatory prosthetic is used while the swelling is being reduced and the stump is shrinking. Its purpose is to prepare the stump and to learn how to use the prosthesis. When the stump is ready the permanent leg is made.

Parts of the Leg

Socket – Made of carbon fiber, this is the part of the leg that the stump fits down into and makes contact with the residual limb.

Pylon – Basically a pipe that connects the socket to the foot.

Flex Foot – Made of carbon fiber, this foot is amazing. It mimics the natural motion of the human foot. It has a split toe and heel spring. All the mechanics are inside a foot cover. The foot cover acts as a filler to make the shoe fit. Honestly, this foot gives me way more flex than my deformed natural foot and ankle gave me.
Donning the leg and keeping it securely attached.

I have had many people in hysterics over the past months by joking about my leg falling off and carrying it home. Prosthetic legs can lose their seal and fall off, but with the seal intact the leg doesn’t budge – Brian has demonstrated this by tugging it with all his might.

My new morning routine: Get out of bed, shower, shave, brush teeth, put on underwear, put on my leg and pull up my pants.

Step one, Liner – A silicone sock placed over the stump. This is a liner worn between the stump and socket. It clings to the skin, provides cushioning and creates a tight fit.

Step two, Prosthetic Socks – These are worn between the liner and the socket. The stump volume constantly changes through the day depending on your activities, weather and many other factors. The socks come in a variety of plies (thicknesses). As the stump changes size it is necessary to change the sock ply to ensure proper fit throughout the day.

Step three, Socket – My temporary leg has a suction socket and sleeve suspension, although there are many other types of suspension systems and sockets out there. The stump is pushed down into the socket, where there is a pin hole. As the stump is pushed down the air is forced out though the pin hole. A one-way suction valve then closes the hole and forms a seal.

Step four, Suspension Sleeve – The suspension sleeve is rolled up over the knee and thigh. It is made of silicone and is pulled up over the socket and thigh to create an airtight seal between the thigh skin and the top of the prosthesis.

As long as no air leaks in the leg is very firmly attached.

So there you have it – the wonders of modern technology. It is incredible that an artificial leg can be made so functional. While it has its drawbacks, such as having to put it on every morning, the prosthetic leg has allowed hundreds of thousands of leg amputees to return to active lives each year.

And hey, if I break this leg, I just take it back to Brian and get a new one – no pain, surgery, casts or prolong recovery involved.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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Last week I ran into a friend who I hadn’t seen since before the amputation. Her response to me was: “Darryl, I can’t believe how freely you are moving, I can tell in your movement, face and demeanor that a huge burden has been lifted.” This made my day. What she saw was my attitude and capabilities, and despite my situation, she never asked when I would be getting my prosthetic leg. She didn’t need to, as she saw I was doing well without it.

I have made the long and difficult trek over the mountain and plowed through the many hurdles arriving at the starting gate of the prosthetic leg process. Yes, it is now a place I can go, because it has become a reachable goal. While I am excited and know that the success of using the prosthetic leg has the power to completely transform my life. I also still tread on the side of caution. It is yet another journey down an uncertain path right on the heels of a major life-changing surgery. I am enjoying movement without pain and soon I will embark upon a whole new set of aches, pains and lifelong challenges that come with wearing a prosthesis. So, once again I will buck up and push through pain with the hopes of soon walking on two legs again.

A prosthesis is a manmade artificial body part that takes the place of the real one that is missing. Man recreating a lost body part to retain limb function has dated back to ancient times. The earliest prosthesis found was a wooden toe by the Egyptians. Throughout history prosthetic limbs have been vastly improved upon. Wooden parts have been replaced with plastics and carbon fiber, and electronics have been used to control arm/hand use and make artificial knee joints mimic the natural movement of the knee. “Our veteran population drives the many advances in the field of prosthetics, as the advancement in prosthetic technology has been prompted by generations of battle-scarred amputees who have made prosthetics a public priority.” With all this new technology in prosthetics, especially the leg, it has allowed amputees to return to their active lives. The natural limb however is an amazing machine that the manmade high tech prosthetics have yet to match.

With advancement in medical science, war, and airbags saving the lives of automobile victims who once would have died due to organ damage, we are now seeing more amputees than ever. Amputees are seen in the media almost daily. The Boston Bombing, in which a large number of people lost one or more legs, has given amputees huge media focus. We see athletes winning goal medals with amputations and almost weekly we see a new story of an amputee overcoming incredible odds and accomplishing insurmountable feats. Many of these success stories are made possible through the technological advances made in prosthetics. Seeing all this is fantastic and following the many stories of these people has most certainly given me hope for my situation. What we don’t always see are the challenges, physically and emotionally, that these amputees deal with every day.

In the last few months of my experience in discussing my leg and the amputation, it seemed as if many people’s perception of a prosthetic leg was that it was this magical device that was attached during the surgery. It seemed as if everyone knew someone who had a prosthetic leg and insisted that person’s life was all perfectly normal. From the perspective of the onlooker, the prosthetic leg does appear magical. They only see the amputee walking, running and engaging in life, and they don’t see the daily challenges wearing a prosthetic can have. I have lost count of how many times in the past few months I have heard “look at the Boston Marathon victims, they quickly got their prosthetics and their lives are back to normal.” I can assure you that none of these amputees’ lives went back to normal. Amputation is life changing and there is no going back to normal. They did what they had to do to overcome the challenges and return to active lives, but none of it was easy or magical.

While I might seem negative about this, I am not. I understand that the discussion of how wonderful prosthetics are these days was meant to make me feel better about my situation. It was just their quickness to dismiss talking about the real problem, the amputation, and go directly to the prosthetic that bothered me. To me it seemed as if people were missing the point that I was losing a leg. It seemed like they thought the prosthetic leg was the magic that would make it all better. As people ended the conversation and walked away on their two legs I couldn’t help but wonder: If they were the ones facing having a leg amputated, would the idea of a prosthesis seem so wonderful? Imagine needing to put your leg on every morning, showering on one leg every day and wearing a tightly-fitted contraption that causes discomfort and skin issues for the rest of your life. For me all this was my immediate future and I had to keep my focus on getting through the amputation. For me it was not about getting a prosthesis – it was about losing my leg to end a life of pain. It was about accepting my new life and learning to live without the leg. That was what I needed to talk about, not the magical prosthesis.

Once again, I completely understand why so many people were so quick to bring up the prosthetic leg. In most cases they were shocked at the thought of amputation. They didn’t know what to say and they wanted to say something positive that would make me feel good. I just couldn’t go there. I had to block the prosthetic leg out. I had this massive mountain to cross before I got to the prosthesis and that was all I could deal with. I had to get to the operating room for the surgery, I had to allow strangers to knock me out and let a surgeon cut off my lower leg. I then had to wake up and face my missing leg. I had to get through pain and recovery and I had no idea how bad it would be. So many things can go wrong after an amputation surgery, so I had to hope there would be no complications. I would then have to live with my decision regardless of the outcome. All that was too big of a monster and I just could not focus on the other side of the mountain (the prosthesis) with so many unknown obstacles in the path.

This is the cast that my temporary leg will be made from.

I made it to the other side of the mountain so now the first thing many people ask is, “When are you getting your prosthetic?” Well today, I began the prosthesis process by having the casting done to make the socket for my temporary leg. There was no doubt this was an exciting milestone, but for me it still isn’t all about getting a prosthetic leg.

Six years ago I went from an active healthy man to having a leg injury that stopped me from walking, and it took over my thoughts. My head became a like a drain with a hair clog. First the decision to fuse my ankle got caught in the clog. Next, the relenting pain after the fusion. Add in trying to figure out not only how to fix my leg, but how to get a new job too, and the clog just kept growing. I have lived from surgery to surgery hoping for resolve. Each morning for the past six years as I lowered my legs over the side of my bed, I would carefully stand on my leg to see if it would be the day the pain would finally end. The pain never ended, it only got worse. I felt like my life was in this never-ending suspended mode. Add on the decision of whether to amputate or not and still the clog just kept growing. Would I ever get to a point where I could say “this is how it is” or would I forever live waiting to find the “Drano” that would dissolve the clog? At last the pain is gone and at this point the phantom pain is tolerable – I even have periods of time when I have no pain at all. So after living with the pain, not knowing how this would end and the decision to amputate clogging my head, for the first time in six years the clog has been dissolved. The leg is gone and it’s not growing back. I can finally just grab my crutches and go without giving my leg a though. Yes, I am fully dependent on crutches, but my movement is fluent, free and painless. For the first time since this whole leg debacle began I have resolve.

So yes, of course I am excited and I will put whatever work I need to into achieving amazing things with the prosthesis. On the other hand, the prosthesis is still an unknown; will my residual leg tolerate it? I still have not been given any guarantees. So, I am not looking forward to going back to having my head constantly clogged with thinking about my leg and what tomorrow, next week or next month will bring. I also have not been sitting around waiting for my prosthetic leg to resume life. From the start I adapted the attitude – if it needed to be done and I could find an adaptable way to complete the task, I found it and did it. I amazed myself many times in what I was able to accomplish with one leg. My life in the past few weeks has been full, productive, and with tolerable pain despite missing a leg. The prosthetic leg will bring a whole new set of challenges and yes it will improve my life, however right now I am just enjoying having things as they are and having a well-needed break from thinking about trying to walk on my leg.

With all the advancements in prosthetics they most definitely have vastly improved the lives of amputees. I too hope to reap the benefits of a prosthetic leg and I will, but I had to go into this amputation with realistic expectations. I have never been told definitively by any medical expert that I will be able to successfully use a prosthetic leg. I couldn’t because there was just no way to know what the outcome of the amputation would be. Even today I was told by my prosthetist “We have no way of knowing how you will respond to the prosthesis.” So I had to go into the amputation believing I had tried everything I could and that amputation was my last hope. For my own sanity I had to go into this not banking on the prosthetic leg giving me back my ability to walk freely without pain. I went in with a positive attitude and determined that I would still live a full life with only one leg, regardless of whether I used a prosthesis or not.

I have made it to the starting line of the prosthetic journey. My recovery has been remarkable, which has given me hope. I am ready to take on the challenge of the prosthetic leg and excited to see where it will take me. I will be successful because I understand that the “magic” is not in the prosthetic leg, it’s in my attitude.

My friend was correct. A huge burden has been lifted. The decision to amputate is no longer looming and the painful leg I have dragged around for six years is gone. Having the pain gone has improved my life significantly, and the prosthesis will be the icing on the cake.

The following quote sums it all up. “The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be.” ~ Mandy Hale

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Sources: www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/war-and-prosthetics/